Working hard or hardly working

Since I've begun my internship, my day-to-day activities at work have been a learning experience that I am grateful for. While I'm disappointed I don't have a career at the age of 25, I feel as if I might be done floundering soon and that this will be one of the many life changing events that gets me where I'll end up (and I plan to end up somewhere good).

My co-workers make life here delightful outside of work too. I'm exactly halfway through my internship and so far:

I've stood in the rain all day on a Saturday filming a marathon,

I've celebrated the 20 year anniversary of German Reunification,

I toured Wilheim-Kaiser Kirsche and saw breathtaking mosaics,

gone to a terrific local movie theater for a regular event called "Cine-man" where you watch manly films and they hand you a beer as you walk in the door (on a side note, in Germany they also do this magical thing where they turn the lights on between the previews and the movie in case you'd like to buy some ice cream from a girl with a box around her neck like at a ballpark),

I've been to Potsdam to take photos of "Sans, Souci,"

I've visited my favorite person in the world in London for a weekend (here we are at the Prime Meridian),

and I've even signed up to run a 7.5 km run this Saturday (as if I'm fit enough to do it or something). Reference: http://www.festival-of-lights.de/veranstaltungen/lightrun/

But this last snip-bit gets me to the Festival of Lights.

I intend to take and upload a lot more photos soon so you can fully understand the magic, but this is a portion of October when they light the buildings and trees in Mitte like a fairytale with blues and reds and greens and rope lights and designs (and the occasional alcohol advertisement). It's so nice considering how little daylight I suddenly have access to. It used to be bright when I woke up at 6:45 - the sun and I were on the same schedule - but now she doesn't wake up until I walk out the door at 8 and she goes down at 6/6:30, right after my walk home from work. At work I have a big window that I'm grateful for, but it's not the same as getting to wander the streets in natural light. If I can't have the daylight I'll settle for enchanting fake light. Maybe even join a mob and run through it.

Now I'm off to see Museum The Kennedy's :) Hope it's bright where you are.

Living in Berlin

Language is so beautiful.

I am trying to soak it up as much as possible, but I think one of my silly hurdles is that I tend to zone out when I am wandering the city, taking photos, getting lost. And then I'll get home and realize I didn't learn any new words! What's wrong with me? I've started writing down difficult words I hear or read and practicing them at night. It seems to be getting darker earlier and earlier and, even though I feel pretty safe, I'm not one to wander alone at night. Reading and writing are my city friends.

Since I always tend to focus on issues close to home I'll write about my darling apartment. It's a hodge podge of "leftover" furniture. It's a sublet from the old tenants and I think I have all the chairs, bookshelves and dressers, a futon and a couch they just did not want to take with them. Not to mention my carpet is blue. :) (I was still putting clothes away in this photo, however many have remained camped on my bookshelves)

I love it though. It has a great view, lots of natural light and it's filled with things I brought, even if those things are really just the bare necessities (old Disney tune popping in to my head - just ignore it, keep writing!); those are still things that are familar and I cherish that. Perfume, a pair of shoes, a stolen pair of my mom's socks. Hehe.

I thinks the one thing I am still fighting through (somedays more than others) is that I am all alone here, and want so much to share it with everyone I love. My parents, brother and sister-in-law, my co-workers and friends back in the states (even some who I don't talk to much anymore, if at all, those that are sadly gone from my life forever), and above all my man. It's weird the way an event will spark a desire to tell someone! Here is some of the noticing I've done that I have wanted to share with you (yes, you):

10. Men after work, in their business suits, ride bikes home or grab ice cream cones on their walk to relocate. This flashes images in my head of every single one of them as little boys, and how nice it must be to live in a country where the nesting doll children that you harbor inside you, your younger versions of yourself, get to come along for the adult you's life.

9. There are three churches within a block from my house, and I love the bells all going off each hour come from every direction.... no idea which is singing what tune.

8. The smells on each block, as you walk down each strasse with cafes, grocery stores and bakeries. Everything smells delicious. And I'm trying new foods contray to popular belief.

7. Everything feels like magic. I tend to have mood swings easily - there is so much to be happy about, there is so much to be sad about, there is so much to be hopeful for - and it's exhausting; but here I snap back pretty quickly. A herd of bunnies nearly surrounded me in the park the other morning. How does a herd of bunnies even exist? It was intense and made the rest of my day pretty spectacular.

6. I'd like to share the weekends; they seem so much more exciting here. Maybe it's because I'm not waitressing, so I've recliamed Saturday and Sunday as "me" days. But living in a city, regardless, allows for more opportunities, and possibly at a lower cost. I could have A.D.D. the way I zone out and walk for miles at a time, completely relaxed and calm which so many new things to look at. It may seem focused, but it's not.

5. Back to bicycles. Cars really are very mindful of the swarms of cyclists everywhere! I can get behind a society that rides bikes to work, and people at all walks of life really do here. Men and women in suits and dresses and slacks, to jeans and tee-shirts. I'd say "sweats," but everyone always looks so put together here...

4. and I think I'll vote for that too. Looking nice everyday feels good. It's not me being insecure about laying around or whatever, but a skirt and sweater is perfectly cozy and everyone else here seems to put on something lovely in the morning and I want to share in that. What an instant mood boost!

3. Architecture. Every city offers their own brand of this, but what I love about Berlin is that so much of what I feel is seamless, and neverendingly lovely, was sewn together in the last twenty years. Oct. 3 marks the 20th year of the reunification and what a neat time to be here. There's a 40,000 person marathon on Sunday, and Oktoberfest is in full swing, and this city has bounced back so fast from something so saddening. I think it's proof of the resilience of the human spirit.

2. I'd also like to share in that moment before sleep, when I hear music outside and it's bouncing off the buildings and maybe it's a resturant, or another apartment, or the polizie zooming past, but it's music, and I want you to hear it too.

1. Lastly, I'd like to share the breakfast. Sunlight comes from nowhere and the room's awake, and my little Kueche Tisch hast zwei Stuhl. But you're not here. No one is. Mornings can be lonely.


All my love, from Berlin.

Fall cleaning

I know that people typically "Spring" clean, but I feel highly motivated with my mom in town to go through everything. She's super honest, sitting on the couch with her coffee in hand; we started at 8 a.m. this morning because I couldn't sleep and she's an early riser. With The Today Show chatting away in the background I was finally ready to face the fact that I no longer wear the same size clothes I did when I started college a million years ago. Over the years I've become so good at deceiving myself that I even had a clear bag in my storage room full of dress pants that are my previous size, waiting for me to become a little girl again. There is an extra inch or two on my waist that - even if I were to lose it - doesn't account for the truth that clothes go out of style. There was no way those pants were ever going to come out of retirement.

The reason why I'm so motivated? Easy - I'm leaving for my Germany internship in two weeks and certainly don't wish to return to an apartment filled with things I will never use again. I think everyone needs to try this! What a great mentality! Pretend you're going to leave your home for three months, 6 months, a year (be as adventurous as you'd like), what items would you have forgotten about while you were away? What outfits will you probably not be wearing a year later? What is worn out/ doesn't fit/ in need of repair/ a gift that isn't "you"/ just plain clutter?

We all need to take control over what little we can.

Well, enough about that. Another reason I couldn't sleep is nerves. I'm nervous! In two weeks I'll be packing up my life here, spending a few days in my hometown, and then flying to another country to live. Was es das? I must be crazy. I'd love nothing more than to simply know how my life will unfold from this moment forward. I told my mom yesterday we should go have our palms read by this old lady in town who has a "psychic visions" place in her home. Not that I believe "Tina" could tell my my future, but it's definately on my mind to want to know. I'd like a little reassurance right about now :)

I applied for a job yesterday that would be an excellent fit for me at this point in my life, and I think that returning to school in the Spring (while I love school, don't get me wrong - I'd like to get 24 degrees like silly Noah Wyle in "The Librarian" movies) feels like a giant step in the wrong direction. I'm losing at the Mother May I game of life. Maybe just for asking I am tempting fate to send me back further, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

Anyhow, whether you're going back to school or not, the end of August/beginning of September just feels like the right time for new beginnings. Take care to find yourself one.

And now...

I have been doing absolutely nothing crafty these days, except for one BIG thing: finally finishing my Scrapbook.
My Europe trip last summer was a photofest and now, over a year later, I am still dealing with the aftermath. I think the reason it has been so difficult to complete is because it IS such a big project. Between the two of us we took 5,000 photos, and so even after I'd whittled it down to just the images I really enjoyed, or the ones that were best, it is still two scrapbooks worth of memories that require trimming and mounting, and journalling and stickers, etc. My mom is an excellent scrapbooker, and bought me all sorts of papers and supplies. Without which I doubt I could do anything interesting, but put in to piles next to the printed photos and pages it just appears so daunting. But I've really begun trying to get through it again, and it can be fun (especially with the television facing the kitchen table) and I am determined to finish it before I go to Germany this Fall. I'm going to return with an entirely new project, so it's time to put this one behind me so they don't stack up into a never ending line of "vacation homework."And about Germany: I am getting so excited! It still doesn't feel official - I don't have a timeline so I can't book flights or rent an apartment - but I have an internship there that I could not be happier about. The job and life experience are going to be epic, a huge chapter for me. I'm looking forward to the challenge.

I just need to save a million dollars in order to afford it :)

Spring Cleaning

I'm a bit of a freak about being tidy. And lately, I haven't been very tidy. I have a half finished scrapbook from my Europe trip (over a year ago!) in plastic drawers in the kitchen, begging to be completed. I have a sea of teaching books and literature readers in the middle of my living room floor wishing to be uploaded into Amazon so they can have a home that wants them. And I sifted through my electronics drawer - I have more cords and plugs and chargers of things than I know what to do with. I have no idea what they go to! What are they for? The trashcan by tonight if I don't realize their prior importance.The biggest hurdle I have, however, is a tiny stack of papers on my keyboard tray. Poetry I never got on to the computer to make sense out of it. And that's what I went to school for. And that's what keeps me calm. I've really been neglecting a lot by letting it pile up so much. I'm working on that today too. There's a writers workshop at the university I just graduated from and (thanks to an old professor pushing and pushing me politely to enroll) I need to have 6-8 poems ready by tomorrow and it's given me a goal and forced me to come back to it. I haven't written in way too long considering my need for it. That's unhealthy. It's a shame.

So why haven't I? I'd say I wasn't motivated but that falls short of the truth (by a lot). And I've been busy too: graduation, working multiple jobs as usual, spending what free time I've had with friends. I really think I forget sometimes how to take care of myself though. Quiet time and staying in and all of this "nesting" I like to do around the apartment has a purpose. It's like a built in mechanism for sanity. My favorite places in the world - the types of places I dream about and wake up to realize they were super happy dreams - are cluttered and interesting, full of so many things to look through and find that you never feel like leaving. Bubba's Garage is my store like that, although there are others (like Construction Junction in Pittsburgh). I want to surround myself with stuff I love. We can all strive to live in our own version of this place : http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2010/06/23/garden/20100624-chic-slideshow-3.html.

I'm going to start trying. I found a few new pretty jars. Here's my bathroom sink: body cream by Anthousa, Burt's Bees toner, antique prescription bottle from People's Drug Store, perfume samples (Curve, perhaps?), Dippity-Do setting gel, penicillin bottle that expired in 1963, antique Vaseline jar, and a lovely old Noxzema jar.

Hope you're finding pretty things too.

Inventing furniture!

With some Spring cleaning energy in my system I went furniture hunting today. Like I've said and shown before I have a very small apartment. I have kept previous couches in front of the apartment door and used the glass porch door as my main entrance in order to allow myself more flexibility.

Here is my latest solution:
I was in need of something new to sit on. I like everything to be comfy and fell for a chaise lounge from a sectional that was for sale at a furniture outlet in town. The only two pieces left over from the set were the chaise - priced reasonably low - and the wedge, which was $25! What a steal! I felt that if it didn't fit through the door, or in my living room, I wouldn't cry about the financial loss. But now that they're here, they make up a little heavenly pillow cloud to cup me in the corner as I read or watch "The Jane Austen Book Club" on Lifetime.
Basically anything but grade. But I should.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers.

My Life This Week is...

well, what isn't it?

This morning I woke up at 6 to finish grading papers (when do I not have a pile in front of me?) and then I looked at a 2 bedroom apartment in the same complex as mine. Two previous horror stories about looking at apartments: 1) man said "absolutely no pets" and I said "well I'll still look" and hung up and immediately cried and apologized to the kids and called the next morning and said "no thank you, I don't want to waste your time;" and 2) had another appointment this morning to see a property and realized I did not have time enough and called and said "well I think today is poor timing" and the man said "oh that's good, it saves me a trip. I rented that property yesterday, anyhow." Well what!? Why hadn't I been notified mister? I didn't bother asking; it was a win-win either way.

So after looking at this 2 bedroom in my unit I've decided, no, maybe I will simply not move, so I'm going at 3:30 after work (yes, I'm blogging at the office, what do you wanna say about it?) and I'll renew my current lease. BUT I still intend to box a lot of stuff up, go through all my clothes as if I were moving, get the carpets cleaned etc... so that it still feels like starting over.

Because it is.

This summer, after graduation (and Bill Clinton is the keynote, so, wow, and stuff) I will be waiting tables and babysitting. With my fancy degree I will bring soup, salad and breadsticks and thank everyone and wish everyone a good day and dream about some day paying back all my debt. Oh well.

In the Fall I'm going to Berlin, however. Doesn't that just make everything feel super? I'll be there for three months for an internship that I will fill you in on later but, all in all, it's incredible and I couldn't be happier.

There is always so much future to be looking forward to. You just need to see it.

<3
-L